SR-71 wrote this song from the perspective of people whose dreams more or less came true. The statement requires a qualifier because it is not immediately clear what SR-71’s goals were when they started their band, nor is it clear just how much SR-71 enjoyed being somewhat-famous recording artists, especially when no one knows you’re the original authors of your best-known song. (A whole-ass draft was written under the impression Bowling for Soup wrote this song.) But SR-71 was able to make music their full-time job, and they were able to make a life creating art and performing it for…


“And everyone’s looking for relief/A bidding war for an old flame’s grief/The cause, the kid, the course, the charm, and the curse”

Fall Out Boy’s older material, the work that attracted major label attention, was about their relationships, girls they pined for, girls who broke their hearts, girls they ended up hating. When they made Infinity on High, they were 4–5 years removed from most of the relationships they wrote about on Take This to Your Grave. The intensity of feeling isn’t completely gone, but it’s well faded at this point, and Fall Out Boy has moved on to other…


Now more than ever, Fall Out Boy is inconsequential. The notion they ever could have been infamous is laughable. They were never evildoers. They were never truly hated. People didn’t like them for the same reason they didn’t like Fred Durst and the same reason they don’t currently like Post Malone and the same reason they will one day dislike whatever disagreeably styled pop star of the future, assuming there is a future with pop stars allowed to style disagreeably in it. They were not necessarily disliked for their art, they were more disliked because they represented a trend certain…


We don’t actually learn about Cinderella’s father in Cinderella. We learn that, when his first wife died, he wanted to re-marry to give his daughter a female role model, and he didn’t want to marry below his station like a poor, so he took up with a woman of good family, Lady Tremaine. We also learn that Lady Tremaine’s cat, Lucifer, is fucking terrible at killing mice. At least 20 minutes of Cinderella’s runtime is devoted to sequences where Lucifer can’t even kill the dumbest fattest one. Lucifer is a shitty cat.

But Lucifer is also a cat named Lucifer…


My dad is a good man, but he’s never been my go-to source on matters of the heart. He’s been married twice and divorced twice; between marriages, he had a long-term girlfriend who I never really saw, the source of ill-fitting clothes from Old Navy and the voice on the phone constantly constantly fighting with him. The thought that I should seek him out for romantic advice never occurred to me, and he might have recused himself from that particular fatherly duty, knowing I had a mother, two sisters, and the Internet available the other five nights of the week…


I should’ve just watched the lyric video.

Happy Tree Friends is exactly what it intended to be, which, I will concede, is more than can be said for a lot of content. Someone wanted to visit bodily horror upon adorable forest creatures that they drew, and look: that! And so much of it! …


Sometimes, you’re able to immediately pinpoint the reason a band didn’t get more popular after a hit song. In this case, it’s that the album was titled Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs! It’s an extremely online-in-2006 aesthetic being communicated by both the title and the cover art, and there’s probably a lot of kids who liked the earnest synth-pop/punk ballad “Here (In Your Arms)” who blanched at committing to a record named for a bunch of stuff 10-year-olds like. …


Fall Out Boy is a rock band that does not rock particularly hard. “Rock” is a verb representing something unrestrained and primal, and Fall Out Boy is here to represent Fall Out Boy. It is hard to let go of yourself when the entire point of the project is to present a highly-curated image of yourself. Fall Out Boy has also enjoyed a sexless existence. It is clear that Fall Out Boy has been in relationships, but, because they need to appeal to a demographic still with apprehensions and suspicions regarding sex, they’re never allowed to be explicit about what…


There’s not a lot to talk about here. It’s a very standard pop/punk song, which comes as a letdown when placed in the middle of a fairly adventurous album. The lyrics don’t do much to push boundaries, generally and thematically speaking. It’s just not a very good song. And yes, all art is beautiful and yes the critics are mirthless beasts who brutalize such wondrous creations and yes the artiste should never feel bad for expressing themselves, but we should all be able to agree that the eighth song on a 13-year-old album feels just a little phoned in.

It’s…


Comcast is, of course, an irredeemably evil company which bears some of the responsibility for society’s subtle but undeniable plunge into dystopic darkness, but I did enjoy the music channels available on its broadband cable service as a youth. I had my six go-to stations: R&B & Hip-Hop, Hard Rock, Alternative Rock, Adult Alternative, Pop, and ’90s Hits. I’d flip between those six stations when there was nothing good on actual television and just needed something to listen to while I played Mario Kart DS. It baffled my younger sister, who didn’t understand why someone would watch music on the…

Bob! Walsh Presents: Bury Me in Memory

non-predatory horse-inspired wisdom

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